God. Love. Sex.

S.O.S.: Season of Searching

Dr. Marty Baker / February 19, 2006 / Song of Solomon 2

Good morning and welcome to the Creek! How many of your remember your first date? I do. I had my first legal date on the night I turned sixteen. I took a friend out to dinner and a movie. As I was backing out of the parking space at the theater, in my Dad's big Oldsmobile 88, I ran into another car. My evening was shot. I was so nervous that I jumped out of the car, looked at the dent in my Dad's car, and then looked at the damage I caused to the other guy's car. I pulled out my wallet and offered him everything in my wallet if he would not call the cops. He ended up with about $30.00 and I ended my date with trying to figure out how I was going to tell my Dad.

I said sixteen was my first legal date. I had an illegal a few months prior to this. I was not old enough to drive at night. On the way to pick up my date, I drove around a curve and there were three cows in the middle of the road. I hit one of them and did some major damage to my car. If you think a deer can ruin a car, trying hitting a cow.

Maybe some of you have had some wrecks along the dating highway. Maybe some of you have issued some SOS signals crying for help in this Season of Searching for that perfect mate.

Today we are going to look at the Bible's SOS, the Song of Solomon and see Solomon and the Shulamite woman as they look back at the different seasons of their relationship.

This series is based on the work of Craig Groeschel and Tommy Nelson. You can pick up The Book of Romance after the service.

Last week, I left you hanging with the verse six of chapter two.

Song of Solomon 2:6

His left arm is under my head, and his right arm embraces me.

They were in the love position. In this verse the Shulamite woman is looking forward to the wedding night. We are going to unpack that next week with a message called Great Sex. Do not invite your grandma to come with you next week. If she comes, do not sit next to her. Today we are going to look at the seasons leading up to marriage.

Ecclesiastes 3:1

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven ...

The seasons leading up to marriage can be the best of times and the worst of times. But, in either case dating and courtship are learning experiences. Turn to Song of Solomon, chapter two.

Three Seasons Leading Up to Marriage

1. A Season of Preparation

Song of Solomon 2:11-12

11 See! The winter is past; the rains are over and gone.

12 Flowers appear on the earth; the season of singing has come, the cooing of doves is heard in our land.

The Shulamite woman is saying here that the season of winter has past and spring has come. What do we know about winter? In the Bible, winter is usually a type and a shadow of a season of preparation.

Winter prepares us for springtime. As you may remember from last week, this woman worked in the vineyard. She was well aware of the seasonal affects on a harvest.

If you were to look at a vineyard in the winter season, you may look at it and say that there is nothing going on. The plants look dead. There appears to be no life at all. The truth of the matter is that winter is a season of preparation when the roots are growing deeper and stronger. The roots are preparing for the season of blooming.

Many of you here today are in a season of winter. It is a relational time of preparation. People may look at your life and say that it does not look like there are a lot of relational blessings going on. Could it be that your spiritual roots are growing deeper in this time of preparation? Do not despise the season of preparation.

Remember, you cannot have spring without first having winter.

Winter is a very important season. It's a season of preparation. There will be times in the season of preparation where you may feel incredibly lonely. Some of you may be there today. You feel a desperate sense of loneliness.

Others are here this morning and you are in a season of expectation. You are expecting the best out of the relationship that you are in. Keep pouring God’s truth into your life. Let your roots grow deep. Allow God's word to shape you into the person that He would have you to be. Listen to this: Having a great marriage isn’t as much about finding the right person; it’s about becoming the right person.

When you become the right person, then you will be more likely to attract the right person. Do not despise the season of preparation.

Ÿ Don’t rush into spring prematurely.

Don’t get all freaked out and try to force something. You feel like your clock is running out. You may see someone today and say, "I am claiming that person as my wife." You introduce yourself and immediately you start thinking, "This must be God's will. They are here at church. She is carrying a Bible. It must be God’s will.”

Don’t try to force something prematurely. Let God do His divine work of preparation in your life. If your season of searching lasted a little longer than what you had hoped, then realize that the blessing may be greater than you imagined.

Ÿ To the married couples…

Let me talk to those of you who are married. Maybe you would describe your marriage as being in a season of winter right now. In other words if you were to look into your marriage, you might say, “I don’t see a whole lot of life today. It doesn’t seem like a whole lot of good things are coming out of our marriage.

Unfortunately this is when most people throw in the towel on marriage. Understand, even in great marriages, winters are a part of preparing for great blessings.

Find a couple that has been married thirty, thirty-five, forty years who has a great marriage. Watch their lives. Talk to them. Every single one of those couples will tell you that they have endured multiple seasons of winter. It’s a part of it.

Don’t throw in the towel during winter. Learn to work through the conflict. Learn to forgive and forgive again like Jesus did.

Pray for healing, hope and restoration for your marriage. Allow Godly people to speak into your life. Make it a point to be an encourager. Remember what I said last week; speak life into your relationship.

For those of you who are on the edge of giving up, don’t give up. There is always hope with God. With God all things are possible. Remember, after winter comes spring. Hang on and watch God do more that you thought was possible. There is a season of preparation. Then, there is a season of perfection.

2. A season of perfection.

This is when you meet that one person and you think that she is perfect. Everything is great. All the songs on the radio start to make sense. This is when you go to the drug store you want to buy them every love card that there is. Instead of just one Valentines Card you buy five. He is so perfect. He is my lovey, dovey, honey, huggable bear. Everything is perfect. This is a season. It too shall pass.

Let’s look at Solomon and the Shulamite woman during this season.

Song of Solomon 2:8-10

8 Listen! My lover! Look! Here he comes, leaping across the mountains, bounding over the hills.

9 My lover is like a gazelle or a young stag. Look! There he stands behind our wall, gazing through the windows, peering through the lattice.

10 My lover spoke and said to me, “Arise, my darling, my beautiful one, and come with me.

Let’s go to Sonic and get a Cherry limeade. Let’s spend some time together we are in the season of perfection. We are leaping and bounding ....everything is wonderful.

In that season you think that you are in love, but you are not. You don’t know what love is. Love is so much deeper than the shallow season of infatuation. During this season, enjoy it. There’s nothing wrong it. Enjoy it. Realize it’s just a season.

In this season we must be incredibly careful to limit three things. If we don't limit these three things, our emotions will take us somewhere we are not prepared to go.

What do we limit?

1. During this season, limit: Your time.

Don’t abandon the rest of our life and pour all of your time into this person during a season of perfection. I’ve seen it happen over and over. Some people stop going to work. Some people stop going to class. They think that they can live on love. Some people say good-bye to all of their friends. Don't abandon your life for this person.

Genuine love invites this person into your life. Invite them to get to know your friends and your family. Invite them to church. Include them in your life. Get involved in their lives. Get to know their friends. Meet their relatives. Start to see them for who they really are.

2. During this season, limit: Your talk.

When your heart starts going pitter-patter and she smells good. All of a sudden you might start feeling this “tingly wingly thing” and you say, “I think that you are the one for me. I love you.”

How long have you known her? Well, about thirty minutes.

That’s crazy. What are you doing? Your words are putting too much pressure on this relationship. God has not yet built a foundation strong enough to endure the pressure of your words.

Don’t speak prematurely. Give God time to develop the foundation. We limit our time, our talk and our touch.

3. During this season, limit: Your touch.

When you find yourself attracted to her and she does that thing with her hair. You are going to want to reach out and touch someone. That’s part of it. If your heart moves toward someone and then your hands want to follow. Don’t do it. There is a time for that and it is not now. It is not on this side of marriage.

When you find yourself in the season of perfection and everything is just right, don’t move too fast and kill the relationship. Don’t put premature pressure when God is still building the foundation. The third thing is when it starts to really get fun and that is this:

3. A season of discovery.

This is when the depth and the commitment of the relationship start to be seen. Watch as Solomon says, to the Shulamite woman, “Come out of hiding. Tell me more about who you are."

Song of Solomon 2:14

My dove in the clefts of the rock, in the hiding places on the mountainside, show me your face, let me hear your voice; for your voice is sweet, and your face is lovely.

Let me get to know you. In a season of discovery, you will want to talk about two things:

Ÿ Talk about your past.

What have you been through? What kind of relationships have you been in? Tell me about your sexual past? Hopefully, you won’t have anything to say. You say, “I’ve been saving myself for you and when we get married boy have I got a present for you on our honeymoon.” Hopefully for you that’s your answer, but for many here that’s not your answer. What do you say when that question comes up? My theory is this. The Bible does not speak directly, but the Bible tells us not to lie. I am going to argue that someone can forgive your past more than they can forgive your present deceit.

I would argue this. Tell them your past, but don’t give them the details. The devil seems to use the details. If they press you on this say, “Let’s not go there." If you go there, later on in your marriage these images may plant seeds of doubt. Tell the truth, but don’t get into details if you can avoid that.

Ÿ Talk about your plans.

Where are you going in life? What are your dreams? What is your vision? Do you see yourself in a career or being a stay at home mom?

Do you want to have kids? How many kids do you want to have? What’s your philosophy of parenting?

What’s your educational philosophy? How do you want to lead your children spiritually?

Talk openly about your dreams and your visions. Talk about these things in a season of discovery.

I want you to notice something that is missing from this story. We don’t see her crying all the time, do we? We don’t see her running home to Mama saying, “He’s so mean, but I love him. I see potential in him.”

We don’t see them breaking up and getting back together; breaking up and getting back together. We don’t see him making her jealous by going out with her friends.

What do we not see? We don’t see all of the “funk” of jacked-up relationships, do we? We see that God is blessing this relationship.

If you have a relationship that is characterized by the overuse of drama and not Godliness, it's time to move on. Start over. Let God build it the right way.

Ÿ In all seasons protect your purity.

In all seasons protect your purity. You need to protect your purity before you are married and after you are married. Look at 15. .

Song of Solomon 2:15

Catch for us the foxes, the little foxes that ruin the vineyards ....

Remember last week, we learned that vineyards often referred to their bodies. Then, he said

Song of Solomon 2:15

.... our vineyards that are in bloom.

In other words, we like each other and our bodies are blooming. We want each other. What does he say? “Catch for us the foxes, those sexually tempting things that could destroy the purity of our relationship.”

What would a fox do? Foxes would get into a vineyard at night and eat away the buds so that they would never bloom. A fox could ruin a harvest.

Sexual temptation and sexual sin can ruin the harvest of God’s blessings in a relationship. Let’s define this so it is very, very clear. The Bible speaks clearly that the body is not meant for sexual immorality but for the Lord

Lovemaking, as we will discover next week, is not bad, but it is holy, it is good and it is fun. But, it is reserved for the covenant of marriage.

Some people are saying, “Everybody is doing it. It is my body and I can do what I want to with it. Sure you can, but if you want God’s results, you have to follow God’s standards.

Ladies if you have a man that is pressing you sexually, you have a man that does not fear the standard of God. If he does not fear the standard of God before you are married, what makes you think that he will fear the standard of God after you are married?

In all seasons protect purity. Now, I live in the real world and I know that sexual temptation is powerful. What can you do to protect yourself? Let’s make it practical.

Practical Tips for Guarding Purity

1. Be upfront. Inform others of your limits.

Say, “Do you see this body? Do you love this body? You can’t touch this. Do you want this one day? Save up your money. Pay cash for a ring. Ask Daddy for permission. Walk me down the aisle. My daddy will give me away and then you can enjoy this.” Be upfront.

2. Keep four on the floor.

When you are together, keep your feet on the floor. This works great. No popping up on the bed for prayer time. No wrapping your legs around each other on the sofa watching a movie.

Guys, you know what happens. You are sitting there in your shorts and she is in her shorts. You are sitting there watching a movie and all of a sudden she drapes her leg around you. You look down and say, “There’s no hair on that leg. That’s one smooth leg."

That’s where it all starts. You feel something smooth and it’s all over. Keep four on the floor.

3. Keep everything buttoned and zipped.

How many times have you heard me say from this stage: "Don’t unbutton. Don’t unzip. Don’t pull up. Don’t pull down."

It’s amazing how much easier to remain pure when everything is buttoned and zipped.

4. Avoid swapping spit.

Not tonsil hockey. As soon as you do you know what happens. You are face to face in a very intimate fashion. Patty and I did kiss before we were married. We were never tempted sexually until we kissed.

When we were kissing my hands were in the appropriate place. During this time, my hands were tempted to move. If they go north, there’s not much there. If they go south, then that’s where we get into trouble. Right?

Ephesians 5:3

Let there be no sexual immorality, impurity, or greed among you. Such sins have no place among God's people.

Let's talk to the married couples. Are you free from sexual immorality? One of the most destructive things you can do is let the foxes of sexual immorality enter into your marriage.

Our world is full of soft-core pornography: Victoria Secret Magazine. Abercrombie and Fitch Magazines, Sports Illustrated Swim Suit Edition. When you keep these magazines out, are you guarding yourself against sexual immorality?

We have to guard ourselves. We have to be careful of what we read, what we watch and what we do. Some of you are addicted to pornography. It’s time to get free. You can be free through Jesus Christ. The Bible says, "He who the Son sets free is free indeed." Confess your sins and let Jesus set you free.

Some of you are listening to this message and you are thinking, "I've really messed up." That’s exactly what I want you to say. This is what I want you to hear. It does not matter how bad you’ve messed up. There is no sin that Christ cannot forgive. None whatsoever.

There is no wound too deep that the love of Christ cannot heal. No matter how bad it is the risen Christ can set you free.

Prayer.

This message was inspired by Craig Groeschel and taken from Tommy Nelson’s The Book of Romance.