God. Love. Sex.

G.P.S:  Great Partner Strategies

Dr. Marty Baker / February 12, 2006 / Song of Solomon 1 -2

                        Good morning and welcome to the Creek!  Today is the beginning of one of the most relevant series ever presented:  God. Love. Sex.  It's based on the Song of Solomon in the Old Testament.  Go to Psalm and turn right.  Today we are going to start with chapter one.  I want to give credit to Craig Groeschel and Tommy Nelson and for their help in our series.   This series is based on his book called The Book of Romance.  You can pick this book up at the resource center.  This is the best book on the Song of Solomon that I have ever read.  If we sell out today we will reorder for next week.  Let's begin.

                        Trying to figure out where you are and where you are gong is probably one of the man's oldest pastimes.  Navigation and positioning are crucial to so many activities and yet the process has always been quite cumbersome. 

                        In 1994, the United States government completed the Global Positioning System at a cost of 12 billion dollars.  GPS helps you determine exactly where you are and subsequently helps you know how to get somewhere else.  Today hunters, hikers, bikers, boaters, skiers and drivers use a GPS to navigate their way through life's confusing places.

                        In similar ways, God's word, the Bible, does the same thing for us.  The Bible helps us to determine where we are and provides guidance and direction to where we need to be.  So we begin in Song of Solomon Chapter one, but in today's talk GPS does not mean, Global Positioning System, but GPS stands for Great Partner Search.

                        In the Song of Solomon we will meet a married couple and read their memoirs as they look back and examine what attracted them to each other.  In those days, they were not blessed or cursed with modern technology.  They did not have eHarmony, Match.com, Perfect Match or Great Expectations.com.

                        These sites have some success stories along the way, but here's a word of warning.  Be careful not to believe everything that you read on an Internet Dating site.

                        If a woman says that she is 40ish, it means that she is 48.  If a guy says he is 40ish, it means that he is 52 and looking for a 25 year old.    Ladies don't fall for that, you can do better.

                        If you see an ad that says the guy is emotionally stable, that's a red flag.   Just the fact that he claims that means that he has not had a VPO (Violation of protection ordinance) filed on him in 90 days.

                        If the ad says, "I love good conversation, it really means that she never shuts up."  If a guy says, "I am huggable.Ó he needs to lose forty pounds and has more hair on his back than a grizzly bear.  If you see an ad that says that I enjoy romance, it means that she looks better by candlelight.

                        That's enough.  Let's begin.  Turn in your Bibles to Song of Solomon chapter one.  This is a story about Solomon and a Shulamite woman often referred to as the lover and the beloved.

                        In today's talk this couple looks back at the Godly qualities that attracted them to each other. 

Song of Solomon 1:1-2

1                   Solomon's Song of Songs.

2                    Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth— for your love is more delightful than wine.

                        When I read that verse this week, I emailed it to Patty in seven different translations. This is the Word of God.  Some of you have been wanting to memorize scripture.  This is a good one for you.

Song of Solomon 1:3

Pleasing is the fragrance of your perfumes; your name is like perfume poured out. No wonder the maidens love you!

                        In these verses and the ones following, you will see four qualities of a great partner, a faithful partner.  Here's the first one.  What attracted this man and woman to each other? 

1.            They recognized Godly character in each other.
                  The first thing that drew them together was not that he was a "hottie with a body". Instead they saw Godly character in one another.  Look again at verse three.

                        What does this mean? In Solomon's day and age, baths were hard to come by.  People instead used scented oils and ointments on their bodies.  They did this to keep their skin from drying out in the desert climate of the Middle East and to give a pleasing fragrance to their bodies. You can only imagine how valuable this was if you could not take a bath. 

                        We do this today with our after-shave lotions, colognes, and scented deodorants.  People are attracted to fragrance.  This woman was openly complimenting her husband.  She said, "That's what your name is like."

Song of Solomon 1:3

Pleasing is the fragrance of your perfumes; your name is like perfume poured out. No wonder the maidens love you!

                        Your name is like oil that has been purified. Your name is a good name. Your name represents a Godly character.  Your name is like purified oil.  No wonder all the other girls want you. She was attracted to his reputation for godliness.

                        When I was a sophomore in college, I was the chaplain and a band member of an all ladies choir.  There were fifty women and five guys. I was dating the choir president at the time.  She was not the one for me, but I did not know that at the time. 

                        At the end a concert in Sanford, Florida, I asked if there were people who would like to receive Christ.  Many people came forward to pray.  I noticed a seven-year-old girl named April come forward and a person in the choir led her to Christ.  That person was Patty Anderson. Immediately I was attracted to her sensitivity and I noticed her godly character. 

                        Now truthfully I had to break up with the girl I was with, then date two others, but a year later I was engaged to that "hot" girl with Godly character.

                        How do we know a person's character?  Watch their actions, but also, look at their friends.  Like attracts like.  If you are looking for a godly man, look at his friends.  Who surrounds him? 

                        If he claims to be "Mister Spiritual Man" and all of his friends are on the most wanted list, something is not adding up.  That doesn't mean that he won't have friends with people who just got out of prison, but that means that he will have people who will speak spiritual truth directly into his life.

                        The first thing we look for is a person of godly character.  If you find someone that does not have a godly character and you marry them, the odds are incredibly high that he or she will crush your heart.  The very first point of attraction must be a godly character.

Proverbs 12:4

A wife of noble character is her husband's crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones.

                        Let's trace the progression.  Solomon and the Shulamite woman meet. The first thing she realizes is that his name is like purified oil.  He has a great reputation.  Because of his reputation, she is willing to open up about her life.

                        I am sure that she did not give him her whole life story on the first day.  Be careful about giving too much information up front. She got to know him and then as she trusted his character, she started to open up and talk about some of her insecurities.   Thought number two.

2.            They built godly trust.
                  Look at what she says in verse 5 and 6.  Here we see that she is talking about one of her insecurities.

Song of Solomon 1:5-6 (New International Version)

5                   Dark am I, yet lovely, O daughters of Jerusalem, dark like the tents of Kedar, like the tent curtains of Solomon.

Notice that the curtains and tents were dark.  The tents of Kadar were made of black wool.  The curtains of Solomon's palace were a deep purple.   The purpose of the dark tents was to attract the heat of the sun during the day and retain the heat so at night when it was cool the people inside would stay warm.  She is saying, " I am dark like these tents."

                        Women in that day prized fairness of skin because it meant they were "indoor girls."  They hadn't been out in the fields working at hard physical labor; they had been pampered and sheltered inside their homes.  In verse six, she reveals her insecurities.

Song of Solomon 1:5-6

6                   Do not stare at me because I am dark, because I am darkened by the sun. My mother's sons were angry with me and made me take care of the vineyards; my own vineyard I have neglected.

                        When she speaks of her "vineyard", she is actually talking about her body.  She said, "I had to work out in the sun. I am sunburned.  My skin is not cared for like I would like it to be.  Don't stare at me.  I am a little bit insecure. 

                        In those days, people were embarrassed by a tan; today we pay good money for one.  She starts to reveal that she is insecure about her body.

                        All of us have our own set of insecurities. Guys when you meet a girl, it does not matter how beautiful and perfect you think she is, she is genuinely insecure about something or even multiple things about her body.  One of your roles as you step toward marriage or if you are already married is to love her through her insecurities. In this book you will see that Solomon loves her through her insecurities.

                        They built godly character; they built godly trust.  The third thing is:

3.            They practiced Godly standards.

                        We want to have relationships that are different from everybody else.  Wouldn't you agree that most marriages today are less than God's best?  If we want something different than what we see, we have to do something different from what others do.  That's what she says.  Watch as she sets the standard.

Song of Solomon 1:7

Tell me, you whom I love, where you graze your flock and where you rest your sheep at midday. Why should I be like a veiled woman beside the flocks of your friends?

                        She asked the question:  Why should I be like everyone else?  Why should I be like the veiled women that follow your friends around?   The veiled women would often follow around the men and whenever convenient they would offer themselves to the men in exchange for something.  They would offer their bodies in exchange for something.  These women were hookers.  They were prostitutes. 

                        She is saying, "Every other girl may throw themselves at you, but I am not going to do this.  I am going to have a different standard.  If you want me, there are some different rules involved here."

                        If you want to have a godly relationship, there is a different foundation that you must build on.  She said, "We are going to have some different standards."

                        Here's my challenge to you:  If you are not married and you want to be, when you meet someone special, define the relationship.  DTR.  Be clear.  Say, "Here's what we will do and here's what we will not do."  These are my standards.  If you want something else, then go somewhere else.  It's very, very simple.

                        There are some things I will not do to keep you. At times you may be pressed in certain areas.  Be strong. Hold on to your standards.

Three Things Not to Do In Order to Keep Someone

                        Some of you may want to add to this list. 

Ÿ                              I will not sacrifice my relationship with God.

                        I will not sacrifice my relationship with God to keep you. Be clear, "If you draw me away from God, I am not sticking with you."  Don't expect me to put God on the shelf.  A person will draw you closer to God or draw you away from God.  I only want someone who will draw me closer to God.

Ÿ                              I will not compromise God's standards.

                        I will not compromise God's standards.  I don't care if everybody in the whole wide world has sex before they are married. God has a higher standard.  God has a standard that motivates me to spiritual purity and I am not going to love my selfish sexual desires more than I love God's standards and more than I love you.

                        Because I love God and I love you, I will obey His Standards, as I love you.

Ÿ                              I will not play house.

                        You need to say this, "I will not play house even though everybody else sleeps in the same bed and spends the night together, has sleepovers and lives together.  If you want to have a Godly commitment to me, we will see you buy a ring.  We are going to see you walk down the aisle.  We are going to see your Daddy give you away.  We are going to establish a covenant under God.  These are the things that I will not do."

                        Now watch the progression.  Godly character.  Your name is like purified oil.  They built Godly trust.  The third thing is that they practiced Godly standards.  And the fourth thing is so important.  Here's where they started growing.

4.            They grew with Godly encouragement.

                        They built one another up.  Remember this girl was insecure.  We are going to watch all through this story as he builds her with words.  Look at verse nine.

Song of Solomon 1:9

I liken you, my darling, to a mare harnessed to one of the chariots of Pharaoh.

                        Do not try that compliment at home.  He basically says, "You are a horse, babe."  This verse needs a little bit of explanation.  At this point, they are talking about Pharaoh's horses.  You have to understand the culture.  Pharaoh's horses were always white.  Everyone in the community viewed the horses as god-like.  They said, "These were the horses of the deity."  They believed that these horses had something special about them. 

                        He says to her, "You are like those horses." There is something special about you.  You are like the purest taste of God on this side of heaven.  You are God's greatest gift to me.  He speaks blessings into her life and she starts to blossom into the words that he says.

                        Words are powerful. We have an opportunity to speak life or death.  If you don't like what you see in your spouse, look at what you are saying about your spouse. 

                        If you don't like what you are seeing, look at what you are saying.

                        Genuinely, your spouse is becoming what you say.  You show me a great and godly marriage and I will show you two people who know how to encourage one another.

                        You show me any marriage that is struggling and every single time you will find far more discouraging words than encouraging words. Some people will say, "I want to encourage, but it is not very natural to me."  Learn how to do it. Figure it out. 

                        People say, "I feel these positive thoughts, but I just don't say them."  Speak life.  When something positive comes to your mind, speak it out.  Speak them immediately. 

                        The moment you have a positive thought about your spouse, give life to it.  Speak these encouraging words.  We are going to watch throughout this book as they build one another up with encouraging words.

Song of Solomon 1:12-13

12                While the king was at his table, my perfume spread its fragrance.

13                 My lover is to me a sachet of myrrh resting between my breasts.

Then, she speaks back to him.

Song of Solomon 1:15

15                How beautiful you are, my darling!   Oh, how beautiful!  Your eyes are doves.

                        They are looking at each other as they talk.  Once thing for sure, he is not talking to her while flipping the remote control, reading the newspaper or surfing the web. He is looking at her.

Song of Solomon 1:16

16                 How handsome you are, my lover! Oh, how charming! And our bed is verdant.

The foundation has been built with Godly character.  They have developed trust as they revealed their insecurities and loved them away.  They have different standards from everyone else and they are going to build one another with encouraging words.

                        Because of that we see some incredible results from her perspective. Let's look at the results of what this has done in her life.

What are the results? 

1.            She feels special.
She knows that he loves her.

Song of Solomon 2:1

1                    I am a rose of Sharon, a lily of the valleys.

2                   Like a lily among thorns is my darling among the maidens.

                        She is saying, "I know that I am the one and that he loves me." 

Ÿ                               Remember in chapter one, what did we see in her?  She felt insecure. 

Ÿ                               In chapter two, what do we see?  She feels special.  Why?  He has loved her into that feeling.

                        Gentlemen one of the greatest things that we can do is to love our wives into the feeling of how special they are.  We cannot just do it with our words; we must do it with our actions.

                        Solomon takes actions.  He takes her out to eat. Notice what the Shulamite woman says, "He takes me out to the movies and nice restaurants.

Song of Solomon 2:4

He has taken me to the banquet hall, and his banner over me is love.

                        He called me up and told me to get dressed up and put on an extra squirt of perfume.  He's taken me out.  He's proud to be with me.  She feels special. 

                        Why is it that guys make her feel special and then get married and leave her there?

                        We must keep on communicating how special she is. The second thing he does is this: He helps her to feel secure.
2.            She feels secure.

She feels safe.

 

Song of Solomon 2:3

Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest is my lover among the young men. I delight to sit in his shade, and his fruit is sweet to my taste.

                        She said, "I delight to sit in his shade." Do you remember what she was insecure about?  What was it?  Her skin being out in the sun.  What is she saying now?  I am in his shade.  He is protecting me.  I feel safe because he is protecting me.  This woman feels secure.

                        If you want to see your wife blossom into all you want her to be, then make her feel secure.

What is our role?  Three fold.

Men Provide Security

You want to make your wife feel secure, remember this:

1.            You are her pastor.

                        Not me, but you are. If you are leading your family outside the standards of God, they will feel insecure. She will feel completely secure if she knows that you are the head and you have spent time in the presence of a good God.   If you have sought the heart of God, she will feel secure.  This does not means that you have to be a Bible scholar or a theologian.  Just get to know God and lead your family to him.  Secondly, you are her pastor and you also are her provider.
2.            You are her provider.

                        This does not mean that she won't help financially. This means that you as a leader should lead your family into financial security. If you want to see a woman stressed out, then look for a woman who is afraid of financial failure.  If you see debt leaking into your home, you will see a woman who is feeling pressure.  Men, you are to lead your families into financial security.

3.            You are her protector.

                        You protect her physically.  Not only that, you protect her emotionally.  You guard her heart. Your guard the words that you say about her. You guard your children. You protect them.  When you love her like that, she will love you back in a way that you do not deserve.

                        You love her according to God's standards and you will watch as she blossoms into the most beautiful person that you could ever know.  It is right.  It is good.  It is holy. I want you to see this woman who has been courted by Godly character who has opened up about her insecurities and she has been love through them.  They have built one another and lived by God's standards.

Watch what she says next.

Song of Solomon 2:5

5                   Strengthen me with raisins, refresh me with apples, for I am faint with love.

                        What does that mean?  In this day, they sincerely believed that raisins and raisin cakes were aphrodisiacs.  Put some more raisins in my cake.  Strengthen me with those things that make me want Him for I am faint with love.

Song of Solomon 2:6

6                   His left arm is under my head, and his right arm embraces me.

                        What are they doing?  They are in the love position. He is making his move and she is receiving him.  She is ready to give her whole heart, her whole mind, and her whole body to God's gift to her.  It is right.  It is pure.  It is holy. It is of God.  If you want a different result you have to take a different path.

                        In the next few weeks, we are going to take a different path. We are going to embrace God's directions for our relationships.

 

Prayer