“But I Don’t Wanna Forgive!”

Kevin Lloyd

Intro: We’re quick to want people to forget what we’ve done…but we’re not so fast to forget or forgive what others have done.

Video Clip: Runaway Bride (DVD Chapter 16)

Intro: Life is full of Relationships – relationships have imperfections. Someone is going to get injured.

There’s a spectrum of needs represented – vast, different needs and hurts.

Illus. - When we are hurt, it brings us to a fork in the road. This fork is a choice. It’s a defining moment for our lives. It all hinges on our response to the pain, hurt.

§ If we go to the Left. Life is full of potholes, long-term pain, bitterness, bad relationships, no intimacy, etc.

§ If we choose the Right. Life is filled with forgiveness…..and……

Intro main point:

Ultimate Freedom is a result of Extreme Forgiveness

If we desire to live on the road to freedom, then we have to, at the crucial point of our pain, make the decision to forgive.

*Bible is full of references to forgiveness:

Eph.4 - “make every effort to keep unity”

Heb.12 - “make every effort to live in peace with one another”

Rom.12 - “don’t repay evil for evil. Live at peace with everyone”

Jesus on the Cross - “Father forgive them”

Colossians 3:13 - “Bear with one another, and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”

1. “Bear with one another…”

Bear – endure – understand that people are going to rub you the wrong way.

· We are going to have relationships and we’re going to have to BEAR with one another.

There are just “Those People”. Each time you walk by the lockers or past the cubicle or to the coffee maker…there they are! And they are nominated for Jerk of the Year. You have mental images right now.

· It will happen – there will be people who will tick you off.

Here’s Why: Imperfect people is what the world is made of.

“A perfectionist in an imperfect world will live very frustrated.”

The Key to Understanding How to Endure/Bear:

**Bearing with one another doesn’t mean you’ll always get your way. Don’t try to be perfect. We’re imperfect. We’re broken and fallen. We can’t put unrealistic and false expectations on each other. Loosen up!

**Perfectionists spend their whole life trying to get others on their agenda instead of getting themselves on God’s agenda!

Illus. – Bad Drivers – tailgating gets you there 15 seconds faster.

*We get bent out of shape over 15 seconds. Same in relationships…we get bent out of shape over something small, insignificant sometimes. Ultimate Freedom is a result of Extreme Forgiveness.

*There will be people that will hurt you. Life is not risk free. But we can’t stop having relationships.

That’s why the verse doesn’t end there…

v.13b “…AND forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”

II. Forgive

A. Define Forgiveness – a willful (not just an emotion, but a DECISION), heartfelt, release of someone from a debt they owe you.

· When someone hurts you, they OWE you a debt: an apology, reconciliation, fix it, not doing it again.

· Forgiveness begins with learning to endure people, realizing it’s going to happen…and then LETTING IT GO!

· Forgiveness = Freedom

Matthew 18:23 - Unmerciful Servant

· He’s released from a 25 million dollar debt

· He won’t release someone from debt of a few hundred dollars

· He choked the life out of the relationship by trying to collect the debt

· The king didn’t put him in prison…he put himself in prison

Illus – Handcuffs - When we don’t forgive we walk around in our own prison. It hinders every part of our life.

Ultimate Freedom is a result of Extreme Forgiveness.

*When someone hurts you, they OWE you a debt: an apology, etc.

Greek of Forgive is RELEASE. But we are guilty of trying to collect our debt. We’re like a kid holding on to his toys and not wanting to share.

We want to Collect our debt!

B. Ways we try to collect

1. By Trying to Please Them – If you could do it right. If you please them, then they won’t hurt you again. Very Non-Confrontational.

2. Try to Make Them Understand – Confront them. Pay-Up!

3. Try to Convince Others – Calling others & telling them until they agree and sympathize with you. Brings comfort to you.

4. Take It Out On Someone Else – sometimes without even knowing it.

Source: Boundaries Townsend/Cloud pg.262

**True forgiveness isn’t collecting the debt. . . it’s releasing the debt!!

Release it to God. Then you can release the person.

C. It’s Difficult Because…

· We like to be justified

· We like to keep/hold onto something and say, “I’d never do THAT!”

Forgiveness requires us to lay down 2 things:

1. Your right to Justice.

2. Your right to Revenge.

III. Why Forgive?

You are never going to get IT back. - Whatever they took from you: Purity; Money; Childhood; Pride. There may still be a scar…but the scar is your victory…because it’s a HEALED wound. It’s no longer open to pain and infection…it’s Healed!

When we don’t forgive…BITTERNESS sets in. “Bitterness is drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.”

Ill. When people die – either Bitter or Joyful.

Other RELATIONSHIPS are hindered. There is always a wall. It’s always difficult to obtain intimacy. With people…with God.

Mark 11:25 “When you pray, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them…”

You don’t lose eternity…you lose your fellowship/relationship.

God has COMMANDED us to forgive. The bible tells us to “shine like stars” and part of this finish/shine is a result of this principle. It’s not a suggestion…it’s a command.

Ultimate Freedom is a result of Extreme Forgiveness.

**Sometimes forgiveness is not a NOW thing . . . it’s a process of release. Give yourself to the process & let it go.